i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
