You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
