i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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