just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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