Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
