Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
