and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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