So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize