dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
