trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize