lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
