that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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