The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
