Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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