When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
