Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
