His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
