you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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