I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
True college students do jello shots in the library
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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