I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
