My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
