Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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