I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
