Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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