does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize