I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
there is puke in my bra ... again
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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