i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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