So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
