Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
im holly from the hills drunk
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
