***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize