I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
