I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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