i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
birth control should be required to get into college
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
