Welp...herpes.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
