I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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