I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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