Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
