I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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