Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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