i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
