Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
