Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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