Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
