ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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