I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize