Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
