i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
