I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize