whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
only if we run a train.
done.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
