I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
