Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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