i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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