Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
