Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We are all done wearing pants today
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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