If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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