I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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