my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
