:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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