Cold hands, warm shart.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
