i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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