Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
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