I hate all girls vehemently.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize