What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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