Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
