Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
