so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
