I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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