I wish I could punch you in the face.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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