fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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