i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize